S2: EPISODE 14 - FIND THE FOUR KEYS

PREVIOUSLY ON NO DICE:

This week on NO DICE!

Lavaar is haunted by a mysterious door that appears in his chambers every night at 3 A.M. But only HE can see it. Now it is up to Lavaar to find a way to convince the others that his visions are real!

Nick spent the weekend at a Bluegrass/thrash metal/punk music festival and was too drunk high and dehydrated to put together a decent recap. What is a Bluegrass/thrash metal/punk festival like you ask? Well just imagine circle pits going on to ANY conceivable kind of music. Steel guitar: that gets a circle pit, stand up base: circle pit. These dudes would find a way to thrash to Kenny G, they are that hard core, which is a core approximately 4000% too hard for Nick to even try which is why he was drunk and high the whole time. Anyway, you aren't punk until you watch Skip Greer tell 300 people they are too old for punk shows and sing them a new wave song with the Dead Kennedys in a perfect mobius strip of fuck everything.

Anyway last week on No Dice: Lavaar was haunted the gateway to reality, much like how Nick is haunted by this lingering son burn on just the TOP of his belly. Yup just the top, because it sticks out that far...ladies. However, nobody believes Lavaar, much like nobody believed Nick had any business being at a bluegrass/thrash metal/punk festival, because Nick doesnt. So Lavaar schedules a sexy slumber party to prove the gateway is real. When the time is right, and after several lonely desperate sex acts with kholrabi boyfriends and "Cookies" bag of sex rice lovingly named Jasmine Longrain, the gateway appears again, and Lavaar and Friends learn that the last 4 keys needed are they themselves.

The door is opened into a jungle place where a tribe of leathery old people, like in Star Trek insurrection, are waiting for a chosen one to open another gateway. It turns put Lavaar is that chosen one and with the help of his friends, Cookie, Brakka, and Captain Cecaelia, they open the gateway to reality again. But while they contemplate the gravity of this second portal four cultist run through and take the spaces for exactly four people meant for our adventurers. Now they have to go to the hard-to-get-to gateway to reality that is in the center of the jungle.

Can Lavaar and his friends get to the hard-to-get-to gateway and finally pass out of this pocket dimension wherein they are like to gods? Or are they going to be stuck forever in Snarf's world to go even madder with isolation and loneliness than they already are? What other inanimate lovers will they craft for themselves? Find out this week on no dice

Check out this highlight: Hey everybody, Dave paints awesome DnD miniature figures